Artist Statement
I use symbols and abstract gestures to give a “face” to invisible forces that while not physical, can have devastating physical and emotional consequences for people, such as the intense grip of culture upon the mind, the tempestuous highs and lows of living with, hoping for, the satisfaction of ideals such as freedom and justice, shame, the culture of politics, violence and aggression in the US and the spirit of cities. I frequently look to the natural elements as well as non-organic symbols to capture the conflict of inner emotions versus cultural forces.
I center myself on these topics because of their visually quiet yet pervasive nature. I create my own visual language for how these invisible forces feel in my spirit, to dignify internal emotional responses instead of suppressing them. I relentlessly search for a visual sense of these insidious forces, in a way to “see” the consequences of their every movement, as if a invisible specter could leave tracks in paint.
I find that if I cannot track these forces in a permanent way, one tends to get focused on physical aspects of life, which are obvious and direct— but physical items and settings offer no answer to the emotional storms brought on by culture: How does one gain more freedom in this complicated, restricted reality? Where do our emotions of devastation go, in political struggles that go awry? What happens to emotions of a person, of a group, when their ideals are not answered to— can visual images preserve that record of struggle and add dignity to this? What occurs to our ideals-linked emotions when the world offers absurd outcomes for our ideals?
Wild Blue Sky
Time and time again, I ceaselessly look back to the image of the bright blue sky as the ultimate symbol of any ideal bandied about in political speech, but with special attention to those in American culture: freedom, fairness, equality. I find the sky the perfect "medium" for the lifecyle of ideals, because the sky is always present, yet it is always unreachable and cannot be truly 'touched' or captured, much like ideals. I was, and still remain an idealistic person, but was always quite emotionally sensitive to any disappointments in this arena. However, not enough attention is paid to the first "break" between the ideal and reality. I find it vital to record how a "broken" ideal feels to an idealistic person- it can give the sensation of cracking, fracture, a kind of idealistic heartbreak that stings infinitely. The nature of this disillusionment can be troublingly infinite as well-- ideals can live on forever as long as they are spoken of, discussed, touted widely, but they can also be damaged in an infinite manner as well. A society's sense of justice can be violated ad infinitum. Freedoms can be reduced, removed and are never guaranteed forever. Through oil and acrylic works, I aim to capture the sensations of this infinitely repeating pain, because it is a sensation that I can never forget.